Happier probably

I'm a girl with many dimensions in me. I suppose that makes one special and unique, hopefully different from the rest. I think I'm wiser, stronger and older than I once felt before. I'm not afraid to say no, not afraid to voice out my views and opinions, more blunt than I did before, well in a good, kind way I hope.

I'm still free-spirited like I used before, hate when people force me down or try to control me, not afraid to fight back in something that I strongly believe. But I will back away if things are still stubbornly left unchanged but I will still fight till I cannot fight no more. I believe in spending time alone, just left to think and explore the inner pieces in me. Guarding my own privacy.

I love colourful cultures, breathtaking world's wonders, new experiences, the wind, the sky, the sea and the beautiful faces of the world.

I hate liars and pretenders, just tell me the truth, though the truth hurts but don't lie to me. Being frank and honest with yourself.

I smile when I am happy but like the rest, I do cry when I am sad. I used to hide my emotions but now, I am learning to show them.

I am a human being who is not afraid to make mistakes, though sometimes mistakes can be costly. But that will hopefully make you a tougher in person in life.

I used to be sad and confused but I am happy now. Happier probably.

With the love of family and close friends, I am smiling and laughing more. To accompany me in moving forward to the next chapters of my life.

Accident/Customer

After the weekend's catastrophe scare over the peeling of the fuselage skin near the body splice of the aircraft, our avionics team has already taken extra precautionary measures to do an inspection on the oxygen bottles at the forward cargo. Even if the parent company has not issued any workcards to do the extra additional inspection works.

An explosion may have caused the rip-off damage as a missing oxygen bottle was not traceable when an inspection was done after the aircraft did an emergency landing in Manila.

But sometimes, it can be seen as a blessing in disguise prespective as through such accidents can only improved safety measures be tighten and implemented; too complacency can be harmful.

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"So where will you be going after Japan?". The velvet-grey eyed customer knows that I like to travel and since PTF will soon be ending in 16 days' time, he knows that I might be taking off to somewhere. But he does not know that I just came back from India 4 months ago. He probably be shocked knowing that I have already visited 2 countries beginning of the year.

He will purposely speak to me in Malay while I stumbly reply back in mixed English and Malay, which is quite amusing much to him. "Takut, nanti saya terlupa bahasa saya nanti." He's a Malaysian who have been working in Hong Kong quite a number of years.

He was showing me picture of his cute son."So bila awak nak ke jinjang?" "Jinjang? Apa tu?"
I gave him an innocent face, he snorted as he gives up and walk away. Heheh..

Dinner

I was settling more deeply into my seat in my effort to make myself more comfortable after a scrumptious spicy meal at this fine dining posh North Indian restaurant at the heartland city area.

"You know, I brought my 1st boyfriend to this place." I can understand why as the atmospheric ambience is pretty romantic and soothing with the live performances of Hindi songs. The food and the music just brings back memories when I was in India.

"Yes, you told me before. The guy whom you flew all the way to Hong Kong before he met with his accident." Quite tragic but he was her first, greatest love. And now, she is married with someone else.

"What are they singing about? Quite nice." "It's about meant or not meant to be." "Oh ya?" As I continued, enjoying the serenading voices of the duets.

We chatted more and laughed as we reminisced on our travelling days together. "Can't believe we made the guys packed the meat for us in that Styrofoam box. "And, that guy took your sandals out of the car's boot so that you can wear it to the airport."

It was me who initiated the trip as I needed to get out of the country at that time. I had a friend studying there and she too had a friend training there. She made her friend introduce his group of friends to us, which was quite hilarious at that time.

"You know, the wife left him." "Well, he was doing things that he assumed that she can't do the same. A tic-for-a-tat, I supposed." "Already, he was flirtatious when we met him in there."

I just nodded at my friend but I think he loves her dearly. I saw them once together before, a loving couple. But with the nature of his work and the ladies as his work colleagues, I supposed jealousy fuels, broke her trust and hence fail their relationship.

He is still the same nice person, unfazed by the "glamorous" stereotype of his career.

"We should go out more, you know. You're always busy with your work."

With 3 weeks or so to go, my project work will soon be finishing as I told her that I will try to meet her once a week to spend time, chill out and relax.

Fremantle

The path that leads to ...

Walking in cold at Osaka, Japan

Rain

It's pouring hard this evening. Probably, the weather just knows how I feel inside. It's like the world is sad with you when it rains. Nasty dark skies with thunder and lightning. Scary weather to be in if you're on flight tonight.

Telling myself that everything will turn out to be okay.

I'm so needing a hug right now.

Surprises

"How come we're having suprises at this critical stage?" My boss was asking me.

Today, I was told that I did not made the LAE aware of those certain new modification works affecting his zone area.

I don't what to say as how much I've polished and worked with my planners on improving the planning work systems; there're still bound to have mistakes happening.

Now, I don't know whether we can make it for the 100 days target. Will Seattle waive the issue as just enhancement works without affecting the air worthiness? The verdict will only be made known at tomorrow's meeting.

Partly my fault?

I pity the LAE concerned as he is a hardworking guy, helped me alot during the DAW project. And now, this thing is happening.

Really at my lowest career point now.

Critical Milestone

13th August 2008. A huge, critical milestone to meet, a personal glory to us if we meet that target completion date of the 4th PTF aircraft. The site manager has been bugging me frequently, asking on whether we can meet our target day. He can be yaya-papaya sometimes but seriously, he is trying to help us from his side in escalating our priority queue number in getting the DER to review our acceptance letter among the other modification sites in the world.

"Go away! I don't want to bet with you." As I friendly shooing him away from my cubicle. Got scolded from the SVP yesterday, but then what's new. I just don't understand why the production progress report need to be sent to this other guy when he is no longer involved in our daily activities. Tough luck, I received another call from him again today. Why can't he just call my boss for the status of this issue. Arghh!

Guess the paint issue has been resolved. No claws painted on the aircraft this time round as they discuss on legal rights issues at their side.

Tall, dark, handsome guy with velvet-grey eyes coming to the hangar this Friday! Pretend only to be tough in meetings but he's actually a joker at heart.

Well, 21 days to sustain. I want to travel soon!

I just don't know

I have been lying low in what I am feeling about him. Whereas for him, he is so obvious in showing how he feels about me, those looks and words; no shyness about them at all. Now that he is coming back soon, I am abit worried and scared about what is going to happen next.

We share too many mutual things; project work, work colleagues even my boss likes him. He knows enough about me and my secrets as I do about him. I think it will be an enormous effort to act normal and professional as possible if I am going to sit opposite him in meetings now. Maybe I should sit sideways from him now onwards?

Knowing him, there's so many ladies that will want his company, I just don't understand why he is spending so much time with me. Just think he is wasting his time actually.

"Can't wait to see you next week." "Ermm...okay."

"Ugly" pictures

Finally.

Cleaning up my folders,

Deleting those "ugly" pictures

But then, there are pictures that you cannot bear to part with,

Smile so cute

A picture of a little sweet girl which was once shared, and now I will not get to see.

A ray glimpse of light

There'll be a new EFB modification project that we might start after this PTF project and other sales requirement issues that I had wanted to tell him yesterday's night as we came online in MSN. In the end, we chatted about matters of the heart.

Finally, I told him about my crappy shock feeling that I have been having since the weekend. Surely, the very long absence from each other will make me forget about him. But damn, last weekend the hurt felt again. But then again, we were just friends back then.

It is hard to find a good trustworthy man.

I was telling him on what can I offer for guy cos' I can't cook although I'm quite functional in housework but I'm busy with my project-basis work and probably too tired at the end of the day. "You are forgetting about your smile, your laughter, your empathy for forgiveness, your excitedment, your eagerness, your kindness and caring, your understanding and listening ears', your smartness and most importantly, your beauty."

"I don't want you to be sad again cos' I can't handle it especially since I will be driving back later." Heh, apparently after much coaxing of motivation, he is finally driving his Mercedes-B car. And, he is learning to cook over there, well being the youngest in the family, his mum does a fairly amount for him.

He will be back in 2 weeks' time.

If you forget me

I want you to know

one thing.

You know how this is:

if I look

at the crystal moon, at the red branch

of the slow autumn at my window,

if I touch

near the fire

the impalpable ash

or the wrinkled body of the log,

everything carries me to you,

as if everything that exists,

aromas, light, metals,

were little boats

that sail

toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,

if little by little you stop loving me

I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly

you forget me

do not look for me,

for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,

the wind of banners

that passes through my life,

and you decide

to leave me at the shore

of the heart where I have roots,

remember

that on that day,

at that hour,

I shall lift my arms

and my roots will set off

to seek another land.

But

if each day,

each hour,

you feel that you are destined for me

with implacable sweetness,

if each day a flower

climbs up to your lips to seek me,

ah my love, ah my own,

in me all that fire is repeated,

in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,

my love feeds on your love, beloved,

and as long as you live it will be in your arms

without leaving mine.

~ Pablo Neruda~

Ass You

What a fucking asshole liar you are. Stop playing with ladies' emotions for your liking. I can't imagine this is what you're becoming now.

I hate photographs at the moment. They make me sick.

The celebrity's entourage

Cross-path with the Big Big Boss as I strolled out across the apron. "Liza, ensure the charts at dock control centre are updated accordingly."

He was telling me that Richard Branson's guys are coming to our hangar tomorrow. Guess, PTF is still maintaining its status as the top showcase among the hangars.

The celebrity's entourage without the celebrity. If only ya, then can ask for his autograph. Heh.

Little kids

I was talking to my friend briefly over the phone when I heard her saying "Evana, why are you playing with my handphone?". Immediately, I told her to put her niece on. A soft, bubbly small voice that made me smile already.

Me:"Hi Evana, how are you today?"
her:"I'm fine, thank you."
Me:"What are you doing?"
her:"Playing the computer"
Me (stunned):"Playing the computer games?"

She is already playing computer games? But what really impresses me was her spoken command of the English language and she is only 2 years old!

There's a cute small boy which I came across in the train whilst travelling to work today. I reckon, he is around 4-5 years of age and he was doodling drawings which look like a house and a car as his mum stood guarded infront of his seat. I guess their stop were nearing soon because his mum took the book away from his lap to pack it back into his small spidey red colour bag.

Him:" Mummy, don't close the page yet. I want to continue drawing later"
Him:" Mummy, will you be coming to my class today?"
his mum:" No.."

Already, he was giving his mum a sad face.

What strikes me is that both childs are Malay and yet they are speaking in English. I know how important speaking good English is but aren't parents afraid that one day, their children will lose the ability to speak in their own mother tongue?I suppose it is a growing trend, nowadays.

But then again, what do I know. I'm speaking more in English than Malay myself, heh.

Speaking and seeing at those kids, tingles my maternal instincts. How strange.

Excited

I brought my friend to accompany me to this shop at Takashimaya yesterday. Everything look marvellous as we went inside. I was just excited just looking at the things inside the shop.

In that moment, I could only think of one person who would and could understand the excitement that I felt. " I need to call him. " As my friend just gave me a smile.

3 more weekends or so, he will be back. It was so good to hear his voice.

Into the working life (almost)

My brother will be starting his first day of industrial attachment tomorrow at a turbine overhaul company. I guess he was fascinated with my work in the aviation industry and being the eldest and big sister of him, I would feed him the latest information on planes and the newest aircraft technology.

Being an undergraduate of the Materials Engineering, he will be attached to do microstructural analysis of alloys; God knows what is that, heh.

He was particular in choosing his first outfit for tomorrow.

Him:"It states here casual clothes. So, I gather it should be polo shirt, jeans and my addidas shoes?

Me:" Why don't you wear something smart casual like that long sleeve with jeans and your addidas shoes?"

Him:" Are you crazy? I'm working in a production environment. It will be hot!"

Me:" Suits you. But first impression always count."

I'm proud of him.

Two stubborn people

You could hear him coughing and coughing as he called me up just now. And yet, he is still smoking; protesting that he is already reducing his daily's cigarettes intakes. Said that he wanted to stop smoking while he's there because literally, smoking makes him sick. It makes him sick because it is like a routine thing back home; he smokes to let out some steam while he is stressed. Well, his work is rather stressful.

Now that he's there and he is not stressful, I'm still wondering why the heck of smoking if he "hates" smoking so much. That doesn't make sense right? Well, it is his problem then.

So, in the end he told me to stop acting always being so independent and let someone care for me for a change.

Guess, that will make two stubborn people, ya.

Scare

I had a scare yesterday's morning. Had to ask the help of some trusted LAEs to watch over me just in case that creepy weirdo do anything silly to me. Raj, somewhat like big brother of mine in the hangar was telling me to take care of myself as he was abit worried for my safety.

So far, my boss is yet to be told as I felt that things are quite manageable and still in control. In the meantime, I'm just going to act normal, leaving the office late if I have to, but I'm just grateful to have a brotherhood of bodyguards to protect me.

"You cannot only hope and pray for it, you need to fight for it." The intensity look shown in his eyes when he said that to me. The guy in Toulouse said that I've shown much care for this person. Yes, I do because he is the only reason that makes sense at work.