Recovery and Raya

I lost my voice. It's really bad and handicapped that I could not communicate any feasible words to everyone around me. One of my colleague took the opportunity to make fun of me as he mocks my painstakingly coughing to clear my throat. Luckily, I was quite good-natured to him even though I'm sick.

I went to see the doctor again since the last medication proves infutile for me as I am still not recovered yet. " You need steriods for the throat? Seems that your voicebox has been infected." "Steriods? Nooo..just normal medication is good enough for me." The kind faced doctor had wanted to give me a stronger dose of medication as he thought I need my voice to function at work. Just thinking of consuming pills containing steriods already paled me, I rather stick to the longer medical route of regaining my voice back, at least I feel safe.

Cool, he likes my cookies and brownies. Said it's very nice. Even his mum likes them. So I guess I could baked after all. Just plain lazy only. The truth is you feel compel and motivate to cook if there's someone to cook for. So far, there's him since he likes to eat. I guess I'll learn how to cook some other recipes for him to try and feed back. This proves to be quite fun ordeal.

"Wear your kebaya either on Thursday or Friday. You'll break the hearts of guys at Line 1." I think he's nuts to even think about it. Imagine wearing your kebaya and heels as you enter the aircraft to see the progress. Nope, won't do that. Too bad I work in the hangar.

Guess he won't be that lucky to see me wearing my baju kurung.

Tomorrow is Hari Raya. Yay!

Plain innoncent thoughts

2 days before Syawal lebaran comes along. Sad because the month of ramadhan is ending soon. Ramadhan has always been special for me, a month of seeking the spritual inner peace. For this year's Hari Raya, I did nothing special except maybe baking brownies for fellow friends who wish to try my once in a blue moon cooking skills.

I have been sick, not feeling well lately probably that explains the lack of eagerness of participation in anything.

I'm thinking of leaving my job again. It's no pretending that I love my job but I hate the people around it. I was looking at this photo that I pinned up in my cubicle, realizing that as each and single one who was in the pioneer team has left the project, except for me. The last one lady standing.

Always telling myself to look for outside avenues for new jobs, I have been lazy to do so. Maybe after Raya, with more determination, I will do so.

Healing the wound. I've been thinking of the word reconciliation. Meeting those people again that used to have special parts in my life. It's not as if I ever met them again or we have ever cross paths on each other again after so long, but sometimes, it's a nice thought to even think about it. Will they recognise me or even smile at me, wonder who will acknowledge first, me or them?

For now it's just plain innocent thoughts to wonder if I ever meet these people again.

Things do happen for a reason.

Antara Sayang dan Cinta

So what's the difference in expressing either words, 'Sayang' or 'Cinta'? There's a difference but I just did not know how to describe in my explanation to him.

This morning, I did not know what I had texted back on his sms as I was in a state of blurry sleepyness. Really surprised as my eyes widen, fully awake now when I read what he replied back after my sms reply.

Goof up at 8.25am.

Lovely sunflower

Sick with fever and body aches. He can't give me sunflowers physically so he decided to email me instead. True to his words, I would receive his flowers first thing in the morning when I opened up my email. How sweet is that. A little note that says,

"Hi Cik Puteri...Here's wishing u a speedy recovery. Hope this cheers u up!!! Sunflowers, sunflowers as promised.....Hope u are slightly better now."

I'm really grateful for having him in my life. Big smiles and giggles.

All four projects done, he gave me this.

To add to my collection of planes. Thanks to the pretty-eyes customer who flew it in and to the 6 feet tall guy with a great big heart in passing it to me.

Lost friend

It's been sometime since I logged into my friendster or facebook profiles. There's someone that I have been meaning to keep in touch ever since we lost each other after the "O" levels. Her name still fresh in memory. She was my classmate for two years until we went to different streams; I was sent for the science stream while she did arts.

From her, I started my Jonathan Brandis' collections, diligently buying the UK and US magazines from the Holland V's mama shop and then cutting photos of his articles before placing them neatly in my file folder. I seem to not find that file anymore.

I could still remember her warm hug she gave me, the last time we met before our paths never crossed again. I couldn't recall where she went after our "O" levels as I moved on to do my "A" levels in college. "Take care, babe!" Was her last parting words to me.

I typed her name in friendster. Couldn't find. I then typed her name in facebook. A white and black photo showing someone familiar. Sabrina Shahnaz. She seems to have lost weight but happy to know that I've found her at last! She is currently residing in London, it seems.

Facebook is truly magnificient. It bridges back those lost contacts. I'm glad.

Don't go yet

"Looking for happiness in all the wrong places. I used to be always searching and always lonely. I never feel that any more."

"It was God's way of closing a door and opening a window.There is something very good about being in a situation where you have to give all the time. It makes you feel full of life and full of love."

~ Gwyneth Paltrow, part star, all mum.

"Waking up I see that everything is ok

The first time in my life and now it's so great.

Slowing down I look around and I am so amazed

I think about the little things that make life great,

I wouldn't change a thing about it

This is the best feeling

It's the happiness inside that you're feeling

It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry."

~ Avril Lavigne, touched by love.

A story

" Are you okay?" "Everytime you tense up, those veins keep popping out from the both side temples of the head."

She will be leaving for Paris tonight. To leave Singapore for 3 months to do work audits and aircraft inspections. They came together, reporting to work on their first day in this airline organization. Sharing the grieves and the pains, the listening ears, the ease smiles of laughter as they help one another when they found themselves doing the same projects.

"How come you didn't ask for a dinner with her before she leaves? So that both of you can spend time with each other."He shakes his head as those raw emotions evidently seen on his taut hard face. "I'm giving up. I did my best already. But she don't feel the same about me."

"Maybe she is shy with revealing her feelings for you. You know sometimes some girls are like that." Again, he shakes his head. "Even with point blank statements?" "I don't think so."

It was painful to see him in that state. This man had secretly habour his deep feelings for her for a year and a half. No one knows why she just refuses to return back on those feelings. Probably, she was disappointed before and so afraid to fall in love again.

She is leaving on a jet plane tonight to an unknown territory, probably nervous and unsure of what will happen there. Never being apart from family and friends so long before. But she will be safe, probably abit lonely but she will find things to do there and new friends to keep her company. She just needs to explore out of her sheltered shell.

"Probably she will call you from there you know." "Probably, this trip is a blessing in disguise." "Then, she will know how much you are meant in her life."

It feels unfair that it is happening to him as he is such a giver.

Confessions

In work. Confused. Am I in the DAW project? Seems that things and people in it are making me uncomfortable. Abit left out as they see me as someone who wants to take over just because the project is in dire critical status. Telling myself that I am just assisting. Again, I told my boss that whether I can be pulled out from the project. I rather do the EFB mod project instead, at least I am working with my own group of LAEs and technicians whom I am so familiar with. Sometimes, I feel that he is just making use of my capabilities to make him feel good and secure. Sighz...

In life. I think if I am spending time with him, I will get more and more attached to him. That's spells doom disaster to me. But he keeps distancing in. What should I do? Seems that my kluns close group of friends approve and like him. And that is important. I'm beginnning to like a guy whom he will be the last person in my head to have feelings with. It is true that friendship develops a loving relationship. It adds more wonderfulness if he is your best guy friend.

He is Chinese and I'm Malay. Don't think too much Liza. Just go with the flow. I rather not to tell probably because, I feel the time is never ready yet and I hope to God that I don't want to lose him as a friend.

Passed with flying colours!

Try to avoid to see him and he came all over from his office to my hangar to see me. I admit that this DAW project is taking so much of my time.

Yesterday, it was the first time that he will meeting my very closest group of ladies' friends. It was rather an unplanned arrangement event and it gave me a weird scared and worried feeling.

Fortunately, the whole time at the dinner was such a pleasant and relaxed atmosphere. He gets well with them, such a joker he is. Made them laugh as he tries to get to know them.

As usual, he sent me home afterwards. "I'm glad you met my friends tonight." "It is important for you that I meet them?" "Yes."

I got a sms from one of my friends today. "Hey girl!First impression passed! With flying colours!"

I'm glad that both of parties were not awkward and we had rather a good time.
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A photo that I liked so much. I just did not realised that this photo was taken by him as I was the photographer for that day. That night that he introduced me to Mr Bean's ice-cream.