Brilliant!

I was sampling Coldplay's newest single "Violet Hill" from youtube.com and I must say, I am really liking in what I am hearing. I simply could not wait to get my hands on this new CD as Gwyneth Paltrow had already commented that the new album is brilliant. Frankly, I do not know when it will hit the stores in Singapore.

"I took my love down to violet hill

There we sat in snow

All that time she was silent still

So if you love me

Won't you let me know?"

The 2 cousins

Thank goodness for MSN messenger! It brings 2 cousins together across thousand of kilometres oceans tides and waves as we chatted everything and anything that have been happening so far.

I was telling Kak Bad that his son is getting cuter day by day as she shows me his latest pictures.
Me: "Hope he doesn't break girls' heart when he grows up."
Kak Bad:" He looks like ME, and bits of him."
Me:" Nope, he has his own face. Maybe currently, he is inheriting chubby drums-thighs from you, heh!"
Kak Bad: " Ya lah tu.."

Kak Bad will be coming back for Hari Raya at the end of the year and already I told her to check her inbox for my shopping list. I am sooo missing her presence!

Observation

Looks like Mr Penguin will be the new Vice-president for the division. It still tickles me when I pronounced his name. Him and his phony American accent. Oh well.

While waiting for everyone to settle down in the conference room, unconsciously I was looking at their hands, one person after another. Not bad, the avionics LAEs do practise a good personal hygiene of keeping short fingernails. Then, I was noticing the rings around their fingers. Silver and gold bands; did I also see one diamond stud on one of the LAEs' wedding band?

Looks like the younger generation who are married do wear bands on their wedding fingers while the older men don't. Both the Senior Foreman and the Superintendent are seen missing with wedding bands even though they are married. The Malays will be wearing theirs on their right hands while the non-malays worn theirs on the left. Even my boss wears his on his right hand. An interesting observation.

He came over to my cubicle after the progress meeting for a lazy chat. He is like a big brother to me, checking on my welfare to see if the guys at work have been bullying me. It's not as if it has ever happen but he is that nice. Most of the times, when I have work problems or anything that annoys or pisses me, he will be my listening ears. He just knows how to soothe me with his funny face expressions.

I was telling him that day that I am tired of reading between lines and people's body language if a guy is interested in me.

Me:" Why can't a guy tell me straight to the face that he likes me?" " I don't want to do mind-games anymore."
Raj: "Don't you know a guy can be shy sometimes."

He was telling me on how he wooed his wife, quite romantic. To be honest, I couldn't imagine him doing those things but I guess falling in love does wonders to a guy sometimes. It was quite a heart-warming moment as you see that smile on his face as he pridely talks about his wife.

Raj:" So when will you be getting married?"
Me:"I got myself into a complicated situation, unexpectedly. Probably still healing."
Me: " You go on dates and have free meals. The guys are attractive and you do have a good time but they are not the same, because at the end of it, you find something amiss. It is not the same." "I think there's something wrong with me."
Raj:"I don't think so. I think it's due to you still miss him."

I don't know how to reply him as I just gave him a sad smile.

Views

I was listening to bits and pieces of the forum discussion that was shown on RTM channel awhile ago. The agenda was on the aftermath ruling of the ICJ court that Pedra Branca belongs to the sovereignty rights of Singapore. Dr. Rais Yatim who is the minister of the country's foreign affairs wins my admiration as I agree with his conclusion that one should not be triggered with blind emotions which are not based with strong factual information and not knowing the understanding of international laws. He urges everyone to look back into the system, ensuring that the archives of important treaties and documents is kept whole and hence strong basis and proofs can be presented out in protecting the interests that the countrymen believe should be theirs.

In the Pedra Branca's case, ICJ court believes Singapore has a stronger case as it succeeds in presenting concise, top-notch evidences and hence the favourable outcome to win. As a Singaporean, I am happy with this victory decision and hopefully, this would not hamper the continuation of forging good ties with our closest neighbour. But then again, I think it is not wise to be bickering with an attitude of narrow-mindedness but rather tackle each individual issue with tactfulness and great diplomatic.

Is it true that guys would prefer girls who rather talk about stuffs other than the current world affairs and exchanging of political ideas? A someone who is submissive and does not like to contest or question. Well, I for one loves to have intelligent conversations. I think it's just fair to have a resounding exchange in point of views, rather than talking about complaints of work, shopping and the latest trends in fashion. A woman's knowledge is more than that.

Old-fashioned superhero

He's back! Dr Henry "Indiana" Jones Junior, the superhero who upholds decent and old-fashioned virtues. What more can I say, this movie is superbly great and fantastic, the latest movie produced by the best ever duo Lucas and Spielberg.

I just hope there will be more Indiana Jones' movies and this does not stop here.

Never thought

Ju: " You know you only marry once in a lifetime."
Me:" I know." I can't bear to look at her as I looked down, munching away my bits of fried chicken.
Ju:" I'm not angry nor frustrated, it's just that I am disappointed that's all. You did not come to my wedding and never even informed me that you went away. I'm supposed to be surrounded with my closest friends that day."
Me:" I didn't plan to just get away just like that. If you've known, you'd understand. It's rather been a long story."

I know I have been keeping my distance from her ever since she gave me that look. It took almost 4 months to be around her again because honestly, I was afraid that she is angry at me and hence, the long friendship break from each other.

Putting past histories aside, we had a good time catching up in the latest happenings' in each others' lives.

Ju: "You know the girls are talking about you. We all miss you."

It's so damn easy, telling someone that you are sorry on text messages, msn messenger, on emails but it is so damn hard to say those four-letter words and really meant it to the person face to face. The word was just at the tip of my tongue but I not able to let it out.

She showed me pictures of her honeymoon and her wedding gowns. She looked divine and classically graced. Always photogenic.

I'm sorry for being a bad friend, for missing the most happiest event of your life. Sorry for not being there, to be one of your bridesmaids as you have wanted me to be that day. I'm so sorry, Ju from the bottom of my heart.

Peace and quiet

And so... Manchester United won its third European Champions League trophy. David Cook is the newly crowned American Idol with the most majority votes at his side. Mynmmar is finally opening up its boundaries in accepting Asean regional help in its cyclone-attack tragedy.

My colleague had managed to find back those missing electronics boxes at a rubbish dump in Sungai Kadut. But what irks me is her repeated emphasize for both of us to keep mum on the incident and its latest updates. Hell, everyone in the management committe knows about her team losing that 1 million mod kit spares and two of her storekeepers are undergoing a week of work suspension. Entering the canteen and already so many people have joined our lunch table, questioning on how she lost those mod kit spares. She is afraid that her integrity in the place of elitism will be tarnished when it has already been long tinted with negative comments from our SVP and the managers around. She can be a pain-in-the-ass. Oops, not can but she IS a sore in the butt.

People from the parent company's sports club came to the hangar today to collect those aircraft items that have been scrapped. One of them is a captain from the B744 fleet who apparently was gleefully happy to see so many aircraft items that he could use to furnished at the club. For such a short person, he is strong enough to open up the rusty metallic doors to the containers as he makes his way in to bring out all the items that he could hands on. Sidewall panels, overhead bins, door frames and so many other things.

Me:"So Captain, are you thinking of building a plane at the sports club? You really "borong" alot of scrapped things from my plane."
Captain C: " Ya lah, "benda" free who doesn't want to take." "I'm losing 10 pounds already today." As he gave me a laugh.

I'm really wondering how he works in the cockpit, I mean this guy is short, really short and fat. Could he reach for those all overhead panels buttons? I think he would probably need to ask alot of help from his co-pilot. But he is a really friendly nice guy. Not bad for helping them today, got an unexpected email from the CEO of another subsidiary company in expressing his thanks in allowing his team from the sports club to take those items left unused from the conversion plane.

I was asked by the HR manager to see the SVP of human resource department this week. Really wasted my time in the session with her, I would think that it is best that she becomes a politician rather be someone heading the department who apparently takes care the people's welfare issues.

After today's early morning of shouts of goals from the neighbourhood and the family members, the evening is left strangely quiet and tranquility peaceful. My dad is away again and with brothers left for the national service and the reservist, it's just me and my mummy.

At my vulnerable state

Woke up in the morning and tune in to Lenny Kravitz's songs. My white Vander Darth JBL speakers never fails me; maximising the volume to the fullest, waves of boom-boom propagates out as you just wanna dance.

The last post was written at my vulnerable state. But like what my friend said, I really ought to do real reflections. It reminds me that I am a human being who deserves to be emotional.

Alas, on the everything that has happened to me, I am still grateful, really grateful. It does not make sense to me now, maybe one day it will be.

Honesty and truthful are my prideful virtues.

Confused. Scared. Socially.

Today I feel like shit. Had to draft a internal report on the behalf of my colleague so that it can be brought forward to the highest management ever, the CEO. We lost 1.1 million Singapore dollars worth of spares.

Two of her staffs got suspended effective from today, soon to be sacked. But what my boss says, what he has to do, he needs to do it. I sincerely feel for them.

Sometimes I wish that I have the courage to throw away everything, and do nothing because I'm tired of pleasing people and becoming that perfect person that everyone wants me to be.

But I do not want to be a person, keep searching happiness at the wrong places. A friend close to heart, startled me when she commented, " You've been running away isn't it? Going overseas and all." I am surrounded with so many people; to keep them company, them keeping me company. Hanging out with people at work and people outside generally.

Things are going so fast for me right now. I'm worried that I might be losing my identity, yearning for that old familiar things and faces. Damn, I don't even have time to talk to my parents sometimes.

She said that I need to put a pause in my life and do real reflections, retrospecting what have been happening so far. Angry or sad, I'm good at putting them at the back of my mind as I just keep moving on.

I'm scared Ju. I'm so damn scared.

A friend

Lots of things are happening in one-go at the moment. Casual outings with a friend. A friend who is a male who does make your heart go pitter-patter, in a good way.

You miss him when you don't talk to him or receive any of his smses. Seeing his smiling face and hearing all his stupid jokes that sometimes do make you laugh your hearts out.

You know that there's no expectations of falling into each other. Maybe that's why I am comfortable with him. That comfort zone that I share with him.

Well, he is just a great company to be with at the moment.

Saving me

Rewinding back...

I hate words of " It's not appropriate", "It's complicated", "Sorry but..".

I hate them.

I had to leave because I was trying to save myself. But in the end, I am the one who got hurt and am still hurting.

That's not fair right.

My mum

My beautiful emak

I do argue with her sometimes and give her a hard time. Stubborness and being indivualistic as I am. Giving me space and trusting me to explore my withins. She has her own way to show her love and concern to all her children, and to that I am grateful.

Selamat Hari Ibu, mak. Semoga Allah murahkan rezeki dan beri emak kesihatan.

De-stress

Going to Indon tomorrow for chilling, resting and relaxation. Need someone to loosen those tight knots on my tired body.

Seems that I've been updating my blog on a daily basis. Sheesh! Taking a break from writing for awhile. But things have been and are going well for me so far. Alhamdullilah.

Sometimes..

Sometimes...

I was sitting on the canteen seat while waiting for my colleagues to come back with their food. Looked around, just wasting time.

Ladies in high-heels, groomly clad in skirts and shiny blouses. Ladies in pantsuits with ankled-cut boots. Looked happy and cheerful as they walked in.

I wish I could be like them, instead of being wrapped in these practicality clothes and wearing these heavy shoes that I have right now. At least, my face could look better instead of that tired look and that dark eye bangs I have right now. I'm a woman, and I need to feel like a woman.

My work environment is so damn project basis. Nowadays, I'm always in a grumpy mood. Everyone around me has always been in either in moody, angry or can't-be-bothered moods.

Tired lah. I need to constantly remind myself, that I love my job.

Damn Shiok

I'm into Stereophonics songs nowadays. I urged everyone to have a listen to this Wales-originated rock band's masterpiece of songs. Will really like to see them sing live, missed their performance gig recently in Fort Canning though. Rock and roll, baby!

Like a rose

I am myself at last;

now I achieve

My very self, I, with the wonder mellow,

Full of fine warmth,

I issue forth in clear

And single me, perfected from my fellow.

Here I am all myself. No rose-bush heaving

Its limpid sap to culmination has brought

Itself more sheer and naked out of the green

In stark-clear roses, than I to myself am brought.

~D.H Lawrence~

Discovering myself. The solid You. Calm peace shines within and then comes happiness. Stronger, mature and less confused. Celebrating that gratefulness right now.

Uptight

I did not realise that I was so uptight today or was ever since. I was angry with him and he almost shouted at me today for some contractive opinions that we both had. I almost cried but I just hide my face with the A3 paper I was holding and said "Okay, I'll ammend the changes" and walked out of the conference room.

Damn him. Where was he when I need his words of advice.

Around 5.25pm, I know I had to face again because I need to ask him over things that I was still unsure and also to show him the chart so that he could vet through. Feeling hot, I sat down and face him.

"Can you explain to me..." One look at his face and see that warm smiling eyes of him, I had started to laugh and he started to laugh too. We kept laughing and laughing as I tried to keep my face straight to stop myself from laughing more.

In all, we had a very long lengthy laugh over no apparent reasons. Suddenly, I was feeling better , relishing that warm good feeling that washes me over.

I realise that no matter I have this "hate and like" attitude towards my boss, he is still that warm fuzzy guy that has always motivate and gives his support to me.

I could still remember 2 years ago, I was in his office at the tower block, him seeing me crying as he lifted up my spirits when my personal and work problems came crushing down on me, that girl who was still naive to her surroundings.

Strength and faith are my believers now.

The Dark Wing Duck Project (DAW)

Just thinking about going back to work tomorrow scares me. Looks like my plan to take it easy ever since SMS docks into the hangar 11 days ago is not working well enough. What's more, I have to deal with the DAW project which is such a messy affair. That current intense feud with the parent company over their cabin items makes work more difficult. Stupid marketing department, trust that they will be doing their job, apparently they have not. Middle-management can be a pain in the ass, sometimes. My boss is constantly not in his office and hence I have to deal everything on my own, making my own decisions and putting a brave professional front.

I hate that phrase" Are you stressed?". So what's with the fucking care if I am stress and that I do not have a poker-face to disguise that intense of turmoil responsibilties that I need to shoulder on. I know they are just waiting to see when I will break. Well, damn them.

I'm also worried that some of my planners will be taking their leaves soon. But then again,they deserve to be going back to their hometowns after intense months of pre-planning work. I myself feel like going somewhere but I know it will not be fair to the rest of my planners.

My boss says "I can push my AOs to the furthest that I could. But not the planners". Always true to his words. Sigh.

Positive thinking, strive to the best in what I can do. I'm still loving in what I am doing, even with the crazy working hours, the constant change in the hectic work schedule and the crazy idiocy people that I need to deal with. I'm grateful as I get to work in my passion industry, working with planes that I love. You know what's great, seeing that plane as it ascends up, hovering above my hangar as I walked across the apron, still gives me that shiver of excitement.

I'm blessed.

Movie flick review

That shiny red and golden armour

I have always been a great fan of marvel comics movies. Recently, there was Iron man and it is a such great movie! I simply adore Robert Downey Junior; he simply oozoes sexuality magnetism that you can forget the rest of of Hollywood hunks, especially now that he leads a clean slate of life after the drugs and the boozes. Albeit that sexy ruggedness that he potrays, he is such a great actor and you could just keep admiring on.

One thing I can only complain is the character of Pepper Potts that Gweyneth Paltrow played. Such a squeaky mousy character. I'm still dying to see that finest acting skills from her. Suffice to say, it was a just a safe potrayal of the loyal assistant of wealthy industrialists Tony Stark.

Overall, I will give 4 thumbs up out of 5. It's a movie action packed with great showing of high-tech software simulations which will interest you if you are into gadgets and technology which I am. Oh ya, Black Sabbath rocks!

Mirnal from Jodhpur

I had a pleasant surprise as I was checking on my emails. The subject of the email was "Hey you from India!" Immediately, I could remember that sweet smiling face of his.

We met at the most unglamorous place and behaviour. In the Indian train of class C/C1. I was sitting down at my own deck of space, quite excited initial until I saw small cockroaches suddenly darting around below the compartments of the seats. Did I also see a gray coloured mouse? Sighing and grumbling silently to myself, wondering how I got myself into this as I pondered more on what could I do in order to survive that long 19 hours on the train. I'm left without a book, two of my friends are dead tired trying to entertain me except for my Ipod which will soon be dead without any battery charger to relive it.

A dark haired guy popped out of nowhere as he sat opposite to where I was sitting. He gave me a smile while I acknowledged back. Soon enough, the train had started to leave and continued its journey down west.

I'd noticed that he kept looking at me, probably wondering what this lady is doing on this train. " So where are you heading to?" I asked, finally breaking this silence space between us. " Going home, to Jodphur. I've been on the train for 52 hours from Kerala."

His dad had wanted him to take the plane but he had decided to take the train as he loves to experience the scenic view along the way to his hometown. Soon, we were on an amicable comfort with each other as he tells me about his software developing work in Kerala while I talk about planes with him.

I gave him my business card and told him to email me if he decided to come to Singapore. He was thinking of doing his masters either here or in the States. He told me to stop at Jodphur and see the blue city but I gently told him that we had already made plans in Jaisalmer.

The train compartment was dark as it was only 5am. Mirnal had purposely tickled me on the legs to wake me up as his stop will soon be nearing. My friends are still fast asleep; did I hear them snoring gently?

Mirnal:"So what are you thinking about"" You look so sad."
Me: "Someone back home. Someone dear to me."
Me:" Which one do you like best? Sunrise or the sunset?"
Mirnal: " Sunrise. Because seeing a beautiful sunrise will hopefully brighten up the day ahead."
Me:"Great answer." As I smiled at him.

I bide him farewell and then he was gone, out of sight. A kiddo nevertheless, still growing up to be a man.

My friends were curious asking me if anything happen between me and him. "Nope, there wasn't" As I firmly answered their curiosity. Then, I realised that I could fall myself into him, he was a very good-looking Indian bloke but grounded as I am, I was happy to say that I did not because I was looking forward to go home, looking forward to see that someone. Plans are to be made but now, the plans have been broken.

Definitely? Maybe?

And so it is. Looks like a fucking soap opera to me. I guess people do change. Sad especially when you used to know that person. I guess I don't anymore.