16 May, 2008

Confused. Scared. Socially.

Today I feel like shit. Had to draft a internal report on the behalf of my colleague so that it can be brought forward to the highest management ever, the CEO. We lost 1.1 million Singapore dollars worth of spares.

Two of her staffs got suspended effective from today, soon to be sacked. But what my boss says, what he has to do, he needs to do it. I sincerely feel for them.

Sometimes I wish that I have the courage to throw away everything, and do nothing because I'm tired of pleasing people and becoming that perfect person that everyone wants me to be.

But I do not want to be a person, keep searching happiness at the wrong places. A friend close to heart, startled me when she commented, " You've been running away isn't it? Going overseas and all." I am surrounded with so many people; to keep them company, them keeping me company. Hanging out with people at work and people outside generally.

Things are going so fast for me right now. I'm worried that I might be losing my identity, yearning for that old familiar things and faces. Damn, I don't even have time to talk to my parents sometimes.

She said that I need to put a pause in my life and do real reflections, retrospecting what have been happening so far. Angry or sad, I'm good at putting them at the back of my mind as I just keep moving on.

I'm scared Ju. I'm so damn scared.

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