Addictive

" I like spending time with you because you make me feel safe" "Yes, I will miss you." "I will miss you too."

This time to Victorville for 5 days. An audit observer to see the ground for parking planes.

Funny, we made so much plans to spend this weekend and the next but they had to be shelved due to his adhoc duty travel plan.

Addictive. Spending too much time with each other, feels so inseparable.

Crack

Shouting for help but I do not know who or how to tell. Visible cracks just waiting to break. As tears come tumbling down.

Feels so helpless.

Dealing with it

I'm finally watching those DVDs that I bought at a flea market in Bangkok. And, that was early this year, finally found the time and need to watch them. I think I'm slowly getting hooked to Grey's anatomy.

Probably, I need to do something to get my mind off thinking about him. Seeing my dad taking care of my mum, made me cry yesterday. Make me realised that there was someone who took really good care of me and now because of the huge differences between us, we were just not meant to be together.

Of all the guys that I have dated, which are not that many, he will always be the best. Probably because he's the most matured one. Maybe I'll resign before the next PTF starts again. For now, pretend to be just friends, stop looking at him in a special way. It's hard, harder that I need to curb those bubbling feelings inside. I think I've grown weak, I used to be so strong and independent. This is not planned, we are supposed to be just friends. If only he did not do that, maybe we will still stick to where we were, at least he did not know and I did not know. But it happened and it was so great.

I hate long weekends, I just can't wait for tomorrow to be over and I'll be back to work. To greet him " Hey Buddy!" with a big fake smile, if I get to see him on Tuesday.

End

Hard and confusing. We had this conversation before.

"Why can we let it be as it is?" " We don't have to think that far yet."
"I don't want you to be without options."

Simple pleasures. The beach and the sea were just infront of our work place. Both of us are sea-lovers but had never taken the time to take a walk over there.

The weather was just nice and breezy. Sitting on the bench, enjoying the sight of the vast sea, the ships sailing along, the planes hovering above ,waiting to land at the nearby airport and the sound of waves hitting the beach.

It was just a perfect beginning to a long weekend.

"Tell me when you want it to end." "We will end it then." "Back to being good friends." I turned to look at his face as he says this. His face unreadable.

An unfamiliar pain felt in my chest.

Letting it go

It's nearing the end of year 2008. It feels like it had happened so long ago but the last communication between us took place just early this year.

I'm sure there're hidden reasons to why it occurred and ended like this. Funny, I could only remember the sadness more than the enjoyable moments we had, if there ever were.

Sometimes, I wonder why he didn't give us a chance when he clearly gave the others a chance. I used to blame because I thought maybe it was me, there was something wrong with me, then I realised he was just a confused man who played with emotions.

As much as I want to forget about that person, wondering why he ever came to my life, there are always blessings in disguise.

Let it go.

Fresh rose petals

I been wanting to write something on this blog of mine. Words of memories but I can't find the right words to tell what I am and have been feeling inside. It just feels so special. Sacred special. If I could paint it on a potrait, I think it will look colourful, alive and beautiful.

I think I'm losing focused in my work. Now, that doesn't happen before.

All that I know that I am happy. At this moment. With him. Still scared and worried. But, happy. Almond-shaped happy eyes.

Love. It feels almost, I suppose but I dare not say that it yet sure. A looong way to go for that.

Funny, that I am still mindful for the hurt that may come one day.

What makes

Honest. Commitment. You. Me. Us.

That's the opening for Beyonce's new single " If I were a Boy". I believe in that. I try not to disallow or curbing one's space. Jealousy is a natural thing but I also believe in communicating well with each other so that there will be no miscommunication occurring in wrongful thinkings or ideas.

Am I too nice and thoughtful?

A picture that he took at Asahi Lake, Hakone.

Memorable sunset

As the sun slowly sets in with the front glimpse of the Pacific ocean. Just peace and calm. Clasping hands with him as you enjoyed the moment. Worth the climb up.

Wish things would be different

Reflecting those memories. Great and beautiful ones.

I'm glad that we are honest and have been always with each other. We talk about our friendship and on how we met and then got close.

"Am I your secret lover?" He asked me with those tender raw emotions shown in his eyes. Not knowing on whether I should say yes or no.

Under the circumstances that we are in, it is hard to be inside a relationship with each other. He knows it and I know it. " What did I do to deserve such a pretty girl like you?" Spoken with tears in his eyes.

"You're nice. Always eager to please me." "I have always been independent all my life. Hence, I am scared to know that I am beginning to be dependent on you."

It is not being me so stubbornly independent and he knows it. Wish things would be different. Till then, I could only pretend even if it hurts inside. Love bites.

Random pieces of SMSes

"Have you finished packing your things?"
"Almost...you need me to help you in getting anything?:D"
"Later, what time shall I see you at the airport?"
" 930 pm Departure hall Terminal 3"
"Wokies, gigi Pink!"
"See you Hoshi Hiro san!"


Who will have thought that I will be taking the fat, humogous plane tonight.

Finally. Mine!

Bought my canon DSLR finally! What's more sweeter was that he was there to celebrate this long time dream and so-much hesistation gadget purchase. " You just light up. Clear happiness on the face. " As he laughed at me as I was playing around with the buttons.

Friends have been telling me to take care of myself and what-nots. I'll be away for only 1 week, hmm...it should be fine. I'm so damn tired and burnt out with my project works. I hate my boss at the moment. I really need to leave before I turned into a monster, heh.

Going to breathe in the fresh autumn air, rest and relax. Then, next month another trip up for winter. And taking lots of photos! Yay!

If Only

Never know that I will be writing something like this today, but I am.

Sigh. It had been fun I suppose. Who will have thought that it will lead to something nice and warm to the heart. Am I regreting it? Not a slightest because I had already sensed that it will come to this, one day. Yes, he made me laugh, smile and happy just as I give the support and rally motivation to him. He is a nice and good man but because of the vast differences and the circumstances that both of us are in, it can never lead to anywhere. He still have his inferior insecurities that builds so deep in him that even me, can't make him change his mind.

Again, I never regret this. I can't change myself if I am nice because that's the way I was brought up to. Supernice is what he calls me whenever he feels guilty about something.

In my heart, I wish him well. If only things are different. He knows how much I care about him as I know he cares for me in his own ways. But we are still good friends and I am glad to say that there's no awkwardness towards that as we were friends before we became so close.

If only, ya.

Stunning.Sexy.Exciting.Fantastic.

Fantastic is just an underrated word to describe this great movie. But one thing I could only complaint was that the ending was so abrupt. Keeps you gapping for more but alas, it's over. Worth the money!

Happy Birthday to him!

A box of colourful cupcakes that made him cry when he first stepped into his office that eventful morning. Interesting that those cupcakes made a grown man cried.

Count the cupcakes to guess for his age. He's getting old, wiser I hope.

Treat and gift

It's been 3 days after my birthday. And, I'm just starting to eat my birthday cake. Looks like my parents and brother have started before me. A good reason to buy an ice-cream cake since that's their favourites. It's okay, as I've been coming home late after work because of the two projects that I need to think about.

I got this from him. I'm staring at it and I don't know what this is supposed to mean. A small embroidery black pillow. My friends whom I have shown it said, it's a sweet gift and that I am lucky. I guess I should be appreciating it, I suppose. Looking blankly at it as it stares back at me.

Older

I'll be older in a few hours time. I guess I'll be working tomorrow, discussing with the lean management consultant on the EFB modification project. My SVP wants me to do dual projects; the DAW which is coming an end soon and the EFB mod which starts tomorrow for me; while my boss has clash ideas from him, but then again, what's new. Torn between which to listen to on directions; yes I'm a innocent victim of these 2 men whom I wish will just talk and discuss properly with each other. Sucks.

Him. Him and his stupid aircraft sales career. I'm done with him. He's just a passe of my life.

Exotic, exciting and great!

It's going to be exotic, exciting and great! Cultures, people and food, bing bang go! 3 countries in 2 weeks. Gosh, I can't wait. Great reason to get a damn good camera, the hunger to take great pictures while you are on holiday and travelling overseas is pitching me.

Counting down man, counting down!

Looking forward

Friends know that I don't drink coffee at all. Feeling so irritated as I stared back at the vending machine with lots of coins in hand. Momentarily thinking as I finally push hard on the buttons for the nescafe latte can. Pulling back the lid as I sipped in the smooth frothy milky coffee.

Sweet taste felt in the mouth. I continued to drink up as I sigh, making my way back to the office. I could immediately feel abit lighter as the heart beats abit faster. The effect coffee can make me but already, I'm welcoming the good effect it has on me.

I'm counting down the days when this Dubai project is over but the strange thing is that I like being busy. Makes the time at the office waste faster since I'm not able to leave yet ever since PTF SMS finishes because of this VVIP cabin retrofit modificaton project. But next week, I could disappear for 3 days for the airline course that I chose to attend. It will be great chance to meet colleagues from all the different kind of departments from the parent, the cargo and the subsidiary airline company. To that, I'm looking forward to see the new faces.

"How are things with you and him?" "He looks so sad when I saw him the other day." Sad probably he was forced to complete the other sales aircraft since there were some internal problems occuring in his side; his colleague messes up the whole program, his boss will be quiting soon and there's thousands of defects picked up by the customer.

There's nothing much to say to him except hearing his complaints about his work, his lousy work colleagues and his DVP. He is such a moody person nowadays that nothing could cheer him up. I even chose not to share my work funs with him anymore.

Two persons focusing on each other's own things now. I'm just waiting for the day when I could not even recognise him anymore as we drift from each other more and more.

I know this will happen one day. Guess all good things will come to an end soon or later.The only matter to look forward is my trip in December.

"Now you're feeling more and more frustrated

And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting

You believe and you doubt

You're confused, you got it all figured out

Everything that you always wished for

When you need to find the strength

It's the faith that makes you stronger

The only way we get there

Is one step at a time

Take one step at a time

There's no need to rush

It's like learning to fly

On falling in love"

Recovery and Raya

I lost my voice. It's really bad and handicapped that I could not communicate any feasible words to everyone around me. One of my colleague took the opportunity to make fun of me as he mocks my painstakingly coughing to clear my throat. Luckily, I was quite good-natured to him even though I'm sick.

I went to see the doctor again since the last medication proves infutile for me as I am still not recovered yet. " You need steriods for the throat? Seems that your voicebox has been infected." "Steriods? Nooo..just normal medication is good enough for me." The kind faced doctor had wanted to give me a stronger dose of medication as he thought I need my voice to function at work. Just thinking of consuming pills containing steriods already paled me, I rather stick to the longer medical route of regaining my voice back, at least I feel safe.

Cool, he likes my cookies and brownies. Said it's very nice. Even his mum likes them. So I guess I could baked after all. Just plain lazy only. The truth is you feel compel and motivate to cook if there's someone to cook for. So far, there's him since he likes to eat. I guess I'll learn how to cook some other recipes for him to try and feed back. This proves to be quite fun ordeal.

"Wear your kebaya either on Thursday or Friday. You'll break the hearts of guys at Line 1." I think he's nuts to even think about it. Imagine wearing your kebaya and heels as you enter the aircraft to see the progress. Nope, won't do that. Too bad I work in the hangar.

Guess he won't be that lucky to see me wearing my baju kurung.

Tomorrow is Hari Raya. Yay!

Plain innoncent thoughts

2 days before Syawal lebaran comes along. Sad because the month of ramadhan is ending soon. Ramadhan has always been special for me, a month of seeking the spritual inner peace. For this year's Hari Raya, I did nothing special except maybe baking brownies for fellow friends who wish to try my once in a blue moon cooking skills.

I have been sick, not feeling well lately probably that explains the lack of eagerness of participation in anything.

I'm thinking of leaving my job again. It's no pretending that I love my job but I hate the people around it. I was looking at this photo that I pinned up in my cubicle, realizing that as each and single one who was in the pioneer team has left the project, except for me. The last one lady standing.

Always telling myself to look for outside avenues for new jobs, I have been lazy to do so. Maybe after Raya, with more determination, I will do so.

Healing the wound. I've been thinking of the word reconciliation. Meeting those people again that used to have special parts in my life. It's not as if I ever met them again or we have ever cross paths on each other again after so long, but sometimes, it's a nice thought to even think about it. Will they recognise me or even smile at me, wonder who will acknowledge first, me or them?

For now it's just plain innocent thoughts to wonder if I ever meet these people again.

Things do happen for a reason.

Antara Sayang dan Cinta

So what's the difference in expressing either words, 'Sayang' or 'Cinta'? There's a difference but I just did not know how to describe in my explanation to him.

This morning, I did not know what I had texted back on his sms as I was in a state of blurry sleepyness. Really surprised as my eyes widen, fully awake now when I read what he replied back after my sms reply.

Goof up at 8.25am.

Lovely sunflower

Sick with fever and body aches. He can't give me sunflowers physically so he decided to email me instead. True to his words, I would receive his flowers first thing in the morning when I opened up my email. How sweet is that. A little note that says,

"Hi Cik Puteri...Here's wishing u a speedy recovery. Hope this cheers u up!!! Sunflowers, sunflowers as promised.....Hope u are slightly better now."

I'm really grateful for having him in my life. Big smiles and giggles.

All four projects done, he gave me this.

To add to my collection of planes. Thanks to the pretty-eyes customer who flew it in and to the 6 feet tall guy with a great big heart in passing it to me.

Lost friend

It's been sometime since I logged into my friendster or facebook profiles. There's someone that I have been meaning to keep in touch ever since we lost each other after the "O" levels. Her name still fresh in memory. She was my classmate for two years until we went to different streams; I was sent for the science stream while she did arts.

From her, I started my Jonathan Brandis' collections, diligently buying the UK and US magazines from the Holland V's mama shop and then cutting photos of his articles before placing them neatly in my file folder. I seem to not find that file anymore.

I could still remember her warm hug she gave me, the last time we met before our paths never crossed again. I couldn't recall where she went after our "O" levels as I moved on to do my "A" levels in college. "Take care, babe!" Was her last parting words to me.

I typed her name in friendster. Couldn't find. I then typed her name in facebook. A white and black photo showing someone familiar. Sabrina Shahnaz. She seems to have lost weight but happy to know that I've found her at last! She is currently residing in London, it seems.

Facebook is truly magnificient. It bridges back those lost contacts. I'm glad.

Don't go yet

"Looking for happiness in all the wrong places. I used to be always searching and always lonely. I never feel that any more."

"It was God's way of closing a door and opening a window.There is something very good about being in a situation where you have to give all the time. It makes you feel full of life and full of love."

~ Gwyneth Paltrow, part star, all mum.

"Waking up I see that everything is ok

The first time in my life and now it's so great.

Slowing down I look around and I am so amazed

I think about the little things that make life great,

I wouldn't change a thing about it

This is the best feeling

It's the happiness inside that you're feeling

It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry."

~ Avril Lavigne, touched by love.

A story

" Are you okay?" "Everytime you tense up, those veins keep popping out from the both side temples of the head."

She will be leaving for Paris tonight. To leave Singapore for 3 months to do work audits and aircraft inspections. They came together, reporting to work on their first day in this airline organization. Sharing the grieves and the pains, the listening ears, the ease smiles of laughter as they help one another when they found themselves doing the same projects.

"How come you didn't ask for a dinner with her before she leaves? So that both of you can spend time with each other."He shakes his head as those raw emotions evidently seen on his taut hard face. "I'm giving up. I did my best already. But she don't feel the same about me."

"Maybe she is shy with revealing her feelings for you. You know sometimes some girls are like that." Again, he shakes his head. "Even with point blank statements?" "I don't think so."

It was painful to see him in that state. This man had secretly habour his deep feelings for her for a year and a half. No one knows why she just refuses to return back on those feelings. Probably, she was disappointed before and so afraid to fall in love again.

She is leaving on a jet plane tonight to an unknown territory, probably nervous and unsure of what will happen there. Never being apart from family and friends so long before. But she will be safe, probably abit lonely but she will find things to do there and new friends to keep her company. She just needs to explore out of her sheltered shell.

"Probably she will call you from there you know." "Probably, this trip is a blessing in disguise." "Then, she will know how much you are meant in her life."

It feels unfair that it is happening to him as he is such a giver.

Confessions

In work. Confused. Am I in the DAW project? Seems that things and people in it are making me uncomfortable. Abit left out as they see me as someone who wants to take over just because the project is in dire critical status. Telling myself that I am just assisting. Again, I told my boss that whether I can be pulled out from the project. I rather do the EFB mod project instead, at least I am working with my own group of LAEs and technicians whom I am so familiar with. Sometimes, I feel that he is just making use of my capabilities to make him feel good and secure. Sighz...

In life. I think if I am spending time with him, I will get more and more attached to him. That's spells doom disaster to me. But he keeps distancing in. What should I do? Seems that my kluns close group of friends approve and like him. And that is important. I'm beginnning to like a guy whom he will be the last person in my head to have feelings with. It is true that friendship develops a loving relationship. It adds more wonderfulness if he is your best guy friend.

He is Chinese and I'm Malay. Don't think too much Liza. Just go with the flow. I rather not to tell probably because, I feel the time is never ready yet and I hope to God that I don't want to lose him as a friend.

Passed with flying colours!

Try to avoid to see him and he came all over from his office to my hangar to see me. I admit that this DAW project is taking so much of my time.

Yesterday, it was the first time that he will meeting my very closest group of ladies' friends. It was rather an unplanned arrangement event and it gave me a weird scared and worried feeling.

Fortunately, the whole time at the dinner was such a pleasant and relaxed atmosphere. He gets well with them, such a joker he is. Made them laugh as he tries to get to know them.

As usual, he sent me home afterwards. "I'm glad you met my friends tonight." "It is important for you that I meet them?" "Yes."

I got a sms from one of my friends today. "Hey girl!First impression passed! With flying colours!"

I'm glad that both of parties were not awkward and we had rather a good time.
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A photo that I liked so much. I just did not realised that this photo was taken by him as I was the photographer for that day. That night that he introduced me to Mr Bean's ice-cream.

Penat! Penat!

Working almost 7 days per week ever since I was roped into the DAW project. Coming back very late at night almost every day and hopping inside the cab the next day as I am too tired to walk towards the MRT station to go to work. The cab drivers' big smiles as they welcome me in.

Slight appetite to eat my dinner or lunch as I try to get the critical milestone chart ready before Thursday's presentation. Even, my mum was commenting that she rarely sees me in the house nowadays.

How to do a recovery plan for 5 weeks? Tough challenging meets but I will try my best. Oh well, at least the project durates for only a month, enough to kill me. I'm supposed to take leave after SMS PTF, but now, I can't.

Fasting month starts come Monday. I pray to God that I am able to sustain the momentum and energy to survive through this ordeal.

Penat! Penat!
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We've been saying lots of sorrys to each other nowadays. "Seems that things that I say to you makes you unhappy nowadays." "What makes you think, I can't do it?"

We really need to take a break from each other, at least for me. I blame DAW!

Giving up

It's hard to hide away from him. He is like everywhere in the hangar. First, it was a phone call from him in the morning. Then, he was in the conference room as I entered the room passing papers to my boss. Last, I cross-path with him again as he gave me a wink on the way to the 777 hangar.

I just need to deal with this I suppose.

Me:"How come my boss was teasing me about the flight test? What did you tell him?"
Him (innocently):"Nothing." "I think Raj was the one who told him what happened during the flight test."

Oh no, now my boss knows about it. Consoling myself that it's okay that everyone does stupid things once in their lives. Well, I give up because the truth is, I so used to have him around.

Trust

"I don't trust guys easily. It's more harder to do that in modern time nowadays." This is probably due to the past hurt experiences that I had. We try to maintain a honest friendship with each other. Telling each others' activities whenever we never meet as we do maintain our own spaces of privacy or our own circles of people that we hang out with.

"Cute girls like you should get married." He was shocked when I told him I am ready to buy my own house at the legal age of 35. "You can't forever hold that wall against someone who wants to get to know you."

---------------------------------------------------------------
We played pool today. He is really very good in pool, showed me a few tips in shooting the balls. It's been 2 years since I played pool, hence the rusty hand in the game.

It's funny but today, I tend to agree that playing pool with a guy is rather sexy. Lots of touching as he taught me how to grip the pole properly and balancing the bridge of the fingers; a good way of impressing a girl if a guy is really damn good in the game.

But of course, we are just very good friends having a great time. A fun friend to be with.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Something had happened while he was in Toulouse. "Nothing really happened. It was just that I was lonely and needed someone to talk with."

All I can say, that guys do get bored and lonely too easy sometimes.
---------------------------------------------------------------
I need to take a break from him. I hope he understands.

FTB

"Do dreams come true?" It was one day after. The final hours before tomorrow's event will take place. Tomorrow, I will be needed in another hangar to help them with the DAW project. According to my boss, the project is in critical stage, whatever planning systems done in PTF, to be used for the DAW project. "The CEO needs the PTF team to save DAW."

"You'll be a FTB tomorrow. I've settled everything with your boss." Huh? A sms I've gotten from him at 12.42am. Hecks, his sms woke me up, being a light sleeper I am. Today, I had to call my boss to excuse myself from attending the meeting since I will be going for the flight test.

"Ya I know." It was confusing that my boss knows about my FCF yet he wanted me to attend the DAW meeting.

Flight test was a very great experience. You get to watch the management pilots do their tests in the cockpit, see the view of tilted skies and observe the tail shaker as the plane surges upwards or downwards. One thing that I had to bear was the slight buzzing in my eardrums but this time, the Captain did not bring the plane to a certain level that causes the oxygen masks to be released out.

Then, the plane dumps a few amount of pink-coloured jettison fuel that looks like pink trailing line across the white clouds and blue skies. It was such a fantastic sight to me.

The cabin was wells-stocked with food and drinks, there were also few bars of chocolates courtesy from him. It was nice to see him working that day as he was the main coordinator for the FCF. Always full of confidence as he talks with the pilots, the customers, the LAEs and the performance engineers. I was just an observer for that day, just happy and grateful to be given a chance to be onboard.

I cannot deny or pretend about it but something happened while we were on the plane. But what more prove can I say, I made a personal request to him 3 months ago on wanting to be on the FCF. Fortunately, a customer pilot had decided not to come and hence, I took over his place.

"Finally, a FTB!" As he grinned at me. FTB is flight test babe.

Difficult

Being a minority working in a large organization is difficult sometimes. You need to work more harder than the rest to prove your efficiency, productivity; suffice to say, your key performance index. More tough it is when you are a lady, thriving hard to stay competitive with the rest of your counterparts.

I was in my boss's office later in the evening. We were doing some billable and incurred manhours calculation needed to be shown in the presentation slides for the CEO. As usual, he was introducing me with mind-blowing formulaes as I try to keep up with his speed. We wanted to see how much cost revenue reached or profit margin we have obtained for the past 4 converted planes.

"You know, I had a talk with the SVP yesterday." " He wanted to send her first since DAW project is in crisis. But I told him to wait for a single person. You." "He thought that all the charts that I have used in my meetings were done by her. But I was telling it was you."

I was utterly shocked and saddened that my SVP thinks less of me. "Why did he think the charts were done by her?" He further explains. "She knows how to impress but knows nothing." "I told him PTF team can only go until we wait for you to finish all the necessary costings and post-mortem PTF planning things that you need to wrap up."

"Maybe you should let her do my planning charts from now on." A firm No was heard from him.

I will like to think that my boss is still a fair person.

--------------------------------------------------------------------
I am amazed on how much I need him to be available in my life. Probably because we are spending too much time with each other. I was looking forward to leave the office and meet him but due to the presence of my colleague, we couldn't.

Probably because of me, he is patient with her. "Why are you so nice to her?" "Cos she is my colleague." Lately, everytime he comes to the base, I noticed that she likes to blatantly presents herself to him in a manner that is forceful just to catch his attention.

I like to tease him, saying that probably she likes him. It just makes me smile when he gives me that irritating look as he objects to the statement I made.

I suppose my colleague is not very situationally smart, could not sense in seeing two people just want to have private moments alone. But then again, she never IS smart. Heh.

Staring

Abit dressed up than usual, I was abit nervous in meeting him today. Probably it is because it will be the first time that he will be seeing me in my make-up which I never did whenever we went out with each other.

"You can stop staring at me." Blushed, telling him as he had this weird look on his face.

We had gone for drinks overseeing the sea before bringing him to this lovely restaurant up at Serangoon. He knew that I liked Indian food and partly because I had wanted to see him eating with his fingers.

"Please don't see me while I'm eating." As he tried his best scooping up the briyani rice with his fingers. It was such a classical moment seeing a foreigner using his right hand, peeling off the skin of the masala prawns.

"I think I'll bring my mum to this place. The food was delicious." I'm glad that he liked the food as I try to introduce him to places that me and my friends frequent for our makan trips around Singapore.

We took the train back together, as usual he accompanied me to my destination station.

"Remember those guys that we came across at that place. They were looking at your direction the whole time. Probably they are wondering what this lady doing with me. You know, you looked so very pretty tonight."

I blushed as I said thank you. Goof me.

The Most Decorated Olympian ever

"That is why we must consider Phelps' achievements in these Olympics as the greatest athletic feat ever accomplished."

"It's not just about what he has done. It's about what he has endured"

"Television commentators are comparing Phelps to an actual fish, or an amphibian. When we think of the greatest athletes ever, fish aren't usually what comes to mind. But with Phelps, all conventional thinking goes out the window."

- ESPN sports on commenting Michael Phelps, winner of 8 Gold medals at Beijing 2008 Olympic Games.

Dreams of a child

"When you were young, did you ever dream what you wanted to be when you grow up?" He ponders few moments. "It's not being a lawyer, doctor or anything like that." " All that I wanted was to have a drink of my own soft drinks. Not sharing with anyone."

Back during his childhood days, it was tough growing up in a family of three siblings with parents of little money. I guess that makes him more humble in appreciating the money that he earns now.

"How about you?" Stuck, a difficult question to answer. "You'd probably laugh if I told you." He nudges more for me to tell.

"When I was young, I wanted to be a singer." "To sing on a stage accompanied by someone playing the guitar." "If I choose a song now, probably a rock ballad song."

He smiled at me as I smiled back.

Wish me luck

"Do we have time to have ice-cream?" Looking down to his watch."Hmm..we have half a hour." We made ourselves comfortable at the sofa seat of the haagen daz outlet.

We shared three scoops of ice-cream flavoured which I chose on a waffle basket. "You know eating ice-cream is a great alternative to having boyfriends." "It just releases you."As I happily savour my spoonful of chocolate ice-cream.

An unreadable look on his face as he just laugh the matter off.

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Today is the last day of the PTF production meeting. "Till we meet again next year." As the chairman ended the agenda meeting.

Then, I looked at him. Busy checking emails on his laptop. I didn't like what he was wearing today. A white shirt with tailored gray pants. I think guys look great with navy blue or black coloured shirts. Make them look tall, sleek, attractive and important.

Two more days and we won't be doing a project for a long time till next year.

Quality letter. It's feel important that I call the shots to stop the project's clock as we hope to hit our target day. Probably tomorrow or the day after. To make history in the passenger-to-freighter conversion production retrofit. Wish me luck!

The Dark Knight

It has been showing in Singapore's cinemas for awhile now. But all I could say that it is worth waiting for 3 weeks' to catch this movie. Both of us agreed that the 1st Rachel Dawson played by Katie Holmes is prettier than this time's.

The best Batman movie ever.

Photos love relive

"I'm being oblivious to the camera." He was trying to get a snapshot of me with his Canon compact camera as I just played refused.

It's been such awhile since I played with a camera, being photographed or taking photographs. The feeling was relived again as I took many candid photos of him which was really fun as he was easy to take, just happy to have his photos taken by me.

"Wah, how come got wrinkles and eye-bags?" As we take a look at the pictures of him that I have taken. I gave a good look at his face, scrutinizing if it was actually true as the photo shows, then it dawned me that he has a good clear skin.

Suddenly, he wanted a picture with the two of us in it. "Just to show people that you are really small standing next to my very tall frame."

In the end, he managed to take 2 shots of me as I smile shyly to the lens.

"You're quite photogenic you know." I just gave him a shrug.

Remember

I know I have been updating my blog on a regular basis. Just writing on what I had went through, to make me remember the emotions that I had felt during those moments.

I was mad at him. So mad that I refused to see his face even throughout the meeting. It was hard as he was sitting diagonally to where I was siting but he made his laptop faced me, so he was at my direction the whole time. I guess he felt the ignorance from my part, but stubborn enough that I just can't bring my eyes to meet his.

20 mins later, he was speaking out his views which then, I had to look at his face. So much confidence as he explains to the board what the customer will want to see after the flight test. Instead of focusing in what he has to say, I was observing his face, his eyes, his hair and his mouth. Momentarily, he caught my eyes and then, he gave me a sad look. Do people act childishly when you angry at a person plus stressed with work?

He brought me to eat Korean food for dinner since he knows I like Korean better than Japanese. "Funny, you ate Indian food when you went to Japan." We talked about his travelling days to Korea, saying that kimchi will taste better over there since he saw me finishing a bowful of perserved cabbage alone by myself.

"Is your shirt tailored new?" He looked at me in the eyes for awhile and then looked down."Can't you remember? This is the shirt that you told me that you like." It's heart-warming that he could remember this and that tiny bit of details throughout our friendship together.

Unmasked beneath that arrogant hard face is a man who is so soft, gentle, kind and sweet. I'm glad I am one of the closest few to know him as that.

"I'll probably be going to Seattle in October." "Really? Then, we can't celebrate our birthdays together."

Yes, both of us are from the same zodiac sign. Is it not coincident?

Over soon.

It's 655pm and I am still in the office. 5 more days till I submit the project completion declaration to the Quality department. If we manage to beat that target day, we can congratulate ourselves to the first MRO in the world to have achieve the shortest conversion TAT.

I just had a brief meeting with my planners, and I could see the lack of motivation shown on their faces.

I was finding ways to cheer them up, telling them that we are at the final leg of the long marathon, just abit more and we will be done. But, I know it's not just about the progress of the project, it is probably about everything.

"Am I a bad AO?" I was asking one of my planners. I'm just someone who is trying her best to be fair, listening ears' to their problems and help to tackle them, show my disapproval if they deter away from the project aim and making sure the group does not disintegrate but still move as a team. It's really tough to juggle so much responsibilities but I've never been afraid of challenges because I know I can handle and do them.

My colleague. I wish she will just shuts her mouth sometimes. She just talks innocently without thinking of whether it will hurt other people's feelings. I know she has been eyeing my job, probably since it is more glory than hers. I wish she would stop eavesdropping on all my phone conversations or hanging outside my cubicle to see who is stopping by to see me.

I can't stop other LAEs to come and talk to me more than her, right. Or if my boss is trying to talk to me, stop hovering from the walls of my cubicle. I don't understand why she wants to take notice of me so much.

More painful, when she told him about something that I had wish she has stopped. She doesn't know enough but now because of her, he knows that I am sad about it. I can't even looked at him on the eyes now.

Dah penat, dah. Cepatlah for next week to come and it will be over.

Dark chocolates

All the formulae on project productivity and efficiency that my boss was trying to entrust into my head were so confusing as they take time to comprehend and digest in. I'm amazed that he could calculate large numbers within seconds without punching into the calculator as I try to keep up with his explanations' speed. Only I had realised that with the current trend in depreciation of the US currency that we are losing money like waterdrops from a hole until we meet the target breakeven point.

It's challenging but it is fun playing with numbers as I told myself learning new things is normally a tough ordeal but after knowing them, they will be a breeze as you get the hang of them.

"So how is your Godiva's chocolates?" "They are okay but those big dark chocolate chunks that he gave us are more nicer." I felt like telling him that I could gladly bring more from home if he wants somemore. But of course, I kept mum. Knowing him, he will probably ask hard gruelling questions that I wish to avoid.

Reflecting back, Mr N was asking me what to buy for him since apparently he had forgotten to buy something back. "He likes chocolates alot, so you can buy that." And so, the Godiva's dark chocolate gift package.

Aloof and damn busy

Fake smile. When you are actually so tired and very irritated. Though, I still try to be patient and composed. Which I hope so. Probably, it's the crunch time. Or probably, he has not called or spoken anything to me today.

He's back to his own working self again. That aloof, damn busy and full of attitude kind of guy. Totally opposites to the caring, warmth, empathy me at work. But then, that's him. Him and his busy high-flying career. Can be irritating sometimes, going out with him when his phone rings and then, it's all about work. Sometimes, I feel like throwing his phone to the nearest dustbin that I could find.

One more week to go and I'm done with this plane. But looking at the emails being corresponded today, it gave me a worse feeling.

Shitty day. At least a guy at the fleet management office almost made my day today. I was having abit problem at work and he actually stayed awhile on the phone to help me solve it.

"It's okay. Have a nice dinner later and good rest at home." I wonder how he looks like.

Random participation of smiles

Is the aircon not working and the room getting hot suddenly or it is just me? He was outrightly flirting with me, infront of everyone else in the meeting room. I can't believe my luck that he had chose to sit opposite me as I divertly try not to make eye contacts with him.

Holding up his agenda paper, I saw the word S.Y? written on it. I blushed immediately knowing what he meant as he revives back our secret jokes. Even my boss notices this random participation of smiles, probably wondering this strange friendliness between us.

I had to keep up a straight face, looking professional everytime I had to speak up knowing that he is looking at me. It was the most hardest moment that I ever had to endure.

Glass beads bracelet. I don't know why I am jealous that I did not get a glass beads bracelet from him. That bracelet costs only 17 euros compared to pricely gift that he got for me.
Apparently, it was for his friend.

"It's unique and it is handmade glass beads, so French." "But yours is nicer and more expensive." "I don't need expensive things, the bracelet is sooo pretty." "Okay, I'll ask her to give up her bracelet, want or not?"

Gosh, since when I got so childish.

Aeroplane model from Toulouse

Happier probably

I'm a girl with many dimensions in me. I suppose that makes one special and unique, hopefully different from the rest. I think I'm wiser, stronger and older than I once felt before. I'm not afraid to say no, not afraid to voice out my views and opinions, more blunt than I did before, well in a good, kind way I hope.

I'm still free-spirited like I used before, hate when people force me down or try to control me, not afraid to fight back in something that I strongly believe. But I will back away if things are still stubbornly left unchanged but I will still fight till I cannot fight no more. I believe in spending time alone, just left to think and explore the inner pieces in me. Guarding my own privacy.

I love colourful cultures, breathtaking world's wonders, new experiences, the wind, the sky, the sea and the beautiful faces of the world.

I hate liars and pretenders, just tell me the truth, though the truth hurts but don't lie to me. Being frank and honest with yourself.

I smile when I am happy but like the rest, I do cry when I am sad. I used to hide my emotions but now, I am learning to show them.

I am a human being who is not afraid to make mistakes, though sometimes mistakes can be costly. But that will hopefully make you a tougher in person in life.

I used to be sad and confused but I am happy now. Happier probably.

With the love of family and close friends, I am smiling and laughing more. To accompany me in moving forward to the next chapters of my life.

Accident/Customer

After the weekend's catastrophe scare over the peeling of the fuselage skin near the body splice of the aircraft, our avionics team has already taken extra precautionary measures to do an inspection on the oxygen bottles at the forward cargo. Even if the parent company has not issued any workcards to do the extra additional inspection works.

An explosion may have caused the rip-off damage as a missing oxygen bottle was not traceable when an inspection was done after the aircraft did an emergency landing in Manila.

But sometimes, it can be seen as a blessing in disguise prespective as through such accidents can only improved safety measures be tighten and implemented; too complacency can be harmful.

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"So where will you be going after Japan?". The velvet-grey eyed customer knows that I like to travel and since PTF will soon be ending in 16 days' time, he knows that I might be taking off to somewhere. But he does not know that I just came back from India 4 months ago. He probably be shocked knowing that I have already visited 2 countries beginning of the year.

He will purposely speak to me in Malay while I stumbly reply back in mixed English and Malay, which is quite amusing much to him. "Takut, nanti saya terlupa bahasa saya nanti." He's a Malaysian who have been working in Hong Kong quite a number of years.

He was showing me picture of his cute son."So bila awak nak ke jinjang?" "Jinjang? Apa tu?"
I gave him an innocent face, he snorted as he gives up and walk away. Heheh..

Dinner

I was settling more deeply into my seat in my effort to make myself more comfortable after a scrumptious spicy meal at this fine dining posh North Indian restaurant at the heartland city area.

"You know, I brought my 1st boyfriend to this place." I can understand why as the atmospheric ambience is pretty romantic and soothing with the live performances of Hindi songs. The food and the music just brings back memories when I was in India.

"Yes, you told me before. The guy whom you flew all the way to Hong Kong before he met with his accident." Quite tragic but he was her first, greatest love. And now, she is married with someone else.

"What are they singing about? Quite nice." "It's about meant or not meant to be." "Oh ya?" As I continued, enjoying the serenading voices of the duets.

We chatted more and laughed as we reminisced on our travelling days together. "Can't believe we made the guys packed the meat for us in that Styrofoam box. "And, that guy took your sandals out of the car's boot so that you can wear it to the airport."

It was me who initiated the trip as I needed to get out of the country at that time. I had a friend studying there and she too had a friend training there. She made her friend introduce his group of friends to us, which was quite hilarious at that time.

"You know, the wife left him." "Well, he was doing things that he assumed that she can't do the same. A tic-for-a-tat, I supposed." "Already, he was flirtatious when we met him in there."

I just nodded at my friend but I think he loves her dearly. I saw them once together before, a loving couple. But with the nature of his work and the ladies as his work colleagues, I supposed jealousy fuels, broke her trust and hence fail their relationship.

He is still the same nice person, unfazed by the "glamorous" stereotype of his career.

"We should go out more, you know. You're always busy with your work."

With 3 weeks or so to go, my project work will soon be finishing as I told her that I will try to meet her once a week to spend time, chill out and relax.

Fremantle

The path that leads to ...

Walking in cold at Osaka, Japan

Rain

It's pouring hard this evening. Probably, the weather just knows how I feel inside. It's like the world is sad with you when it rains. Nasty dark skies with thunder and lightning. Scary weather to be in if you're on flight tonight.

Telling myself that everything will turn out to be okay.

I'm so needing a hug right now.

Surprises

"How come we're having suprises at this critical stage?" My boss was asking me.

Today, I was told that I did not made the LAE aware of those certain new modification works affecting his zone area.

I don't what to say as how much I've polished and worked with my planners on improving the planning work systems; there're still bound to have mistakes happening.

Now, I don't know whether we can make it for the 100 days target. Will Seattle waive the issue as just enhancement works without affecting the air worthiness? The verdict will only be made known at tomorrow's meeting.

Partly my fault?

I pity the LAE concerned as he is a hardworking guy, helped me alot during the DAW project. And now, this thing is happening.

Really at my lowest career point now.

Critical Milestone

13th August 2008. A huge, critical milestone to meet, a personal glory to us if we meet that target completion date of the 4th PTF aircraft. The site manager has been bugging me frequently, asking on whether we can meet our target day. He can be yaya-papaya sometimes but seriously, he is trying to help us from his side in escalating our priority queue number in getting the DER to review our acceptance letter among the other modification sites in the world.

"Go away! I don't want to bet with you." As I friendly shooing him away from my cubicle. Got scolded from the SVP yesterday, but then what's new. I just don't understand why the production progress report need to be sent to this other guy when he is no longer involved in our daily activities. Tough luck, I received another call from him again today. Why can't he just call my boss for the status of this issue. Arghh!

Guess the paint issue has been resolved. No claws painted on the aircraft this time round as they discuss on legal rights issues at their side.

Tall, dark, handsome guy with velvet-grey eyes coming to the hangar this Friday! Pretend only to be tough in meetings but he's actually a joker at heart.

Well, 21 days to sustain. I want to travel soon!

I just don't know

I have been lying low in what I am feeling about him. Whereas for him, he is so obvious in showing how he feels about me, those looks and words; no shyness about them at all. Now that he is coming back soon, I am abit worried and scared about what is going to happen next.

We share too many mutual things; project work, work colleagues even my boss likes him. He knows enough about me and my secrets as I do about him. I think it will be an enormous effort to act normal and professional as possible if I am going to sit opposite him in meetings now. Maybe I should sit sideways from him now onwards?

Knowing him, there's so many ladies that will want his company, I just don't understand why he is spending so much time with me. Just think he is wasting his time actually.

"Can't wait to see you next week." "Ermm...okay."

"Ugly" pictures

Finally.

Cleaning up my folders,

Deleting those "ugly" pictures

But then, there are pictures that you cannot bear to part with,

Smile so cute

A picture of a little sweet girl which was once shared, and now I will not get to see.

A ray glimpse of light

There'll be a new EFB modification project that we might start after this PTF project and other sales requirement issues that I had wanted to tell him yesterday's night as we came online in MSN. In the end, we chatted about matters of the heart.

Finally, I told him about my crappy shock feeling that I have been having since the weekend. Surely, the very long absence from each other will make me forget about him. But damn, last weekend the hurt felt again. But then again, we were just friends back then.

It is hard to find a good trustworthy man.

I was telling him on what can I offer for guy cos' I can't cook although I'm quite functional in housework but I'm busy with my project-basis work and probably too tired at the end of the day. "You are forgetting about your smile, your laughter, your empathy for forgiveness, your excitedment, your eagerness, your kindness and caring, your understanding and listening ears', your smartness and most importantly, your beauty."

"I don't want you to be sad again cos' I can't handle it especially since I will be driving back later." Heh, apparently after much coaxing of motivation, he is finally driving his Mercedes-B car. And, he is learning to cook over there, well being the youngest in the family, his mum does a fairly amount for him.

He will be back in 2 weeks' time.

If you forget me

I want you to know

one thing.

You know how this is:

if I look

at the crystal moon, at the red branch

of the slow autumn at my window,

if I touch

near the fire

the impalpable ash

or the wrinkled body of the log,

everything carries me to you,

as if everything that exists,

aromas, light, metals,

were little boats

that sail

toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,

if little by little you stop loving me

I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly

you forget me

do not look for me,

for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,

the wind of banners

that passes through my life,

and you decide

to leave me at the shore

of the heart where I have roots,

remember

that on that day,

at that hour,

I shall lift my arms

and my roots will set off

to seek another land.

But

if each day,

each hour,

you feel that you are destined for me

with implacable sweetness,

if each day a flower

climbs up to your lips to seek me,

ah my love, ah my own,

in me all that fire is repeated,

in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,

my love feeds on your love, beloved,

and as long as you live it will be in your arms

without leaving mine.

~ Pablo Neruda~

Ass You

What a fucking asshole liar you are. Stop playing with ladies' emotions for your liking. I can't imagine this is what you're becoming now.

I hate photographs at the moment. They make me sick.

The celebrity's entourage

Cross-path with the Big Big Boss as I strolled out across the apron. "Liza, ensure the charts at dock control centre are updated accordingly."

He was telling me that Richard Branson's guys are coming to our hangar tomorrow. Guess, PTF is still maintaining its status as the top showcase among the hangars.

The celebrity's entourage without the celebrity. If only ya, then can ask for his autograph. Heh.

Little kids

I was talking to my friend briefly over the phone when I heard her saying "Evana, why are you playing with my handphone?". Immediately, I told her to put her niece on. A soft, bubbly small voice that made me smile already.

Me:"Hi Evana, how are you today?"
her:"I'm fine, thank you."
Me:"What are you doing?"
her:"Playing the computer"
Me (stunned):"Playing the computer games?"

She is already playing computer games? But what really impresses me was her spoken command of the English language and she is only 2 years old!

There's a cute small boy which I came across in the train whilst travelling to work today. I reckon, he is around 4-5 years of age and he was doodling drawings which look like a house and a car as his mum stood guarded infront of his seat. I guess their stop were nearing soon because his mum took the book away from his lap to pack it back into his small spidey red colour bag.

Him:" Mummy, don't close the page yet. I want to continue drawing later"
Him:" Mummy, will you be coming to my class today?"
his mum:" No.."

Already, he was giving his mum a sad face.

What strikes me is that both childs are Malay and yet they are speaking in English. I know how important speaking good English is but aren't parents afraid that one day, their children will lose the ability to speak in their own mother tongue?I suppose it is a growing trend, nowadays.

But then again, what do I know. I'm speaking more in English than Malay myself, heh.

Speaking and seeing at those kids, tingles my maternal instincts. How strange.

Excited

I brought my friend to accompany me to this shop at Takashimaya yesterday. Everything look marvellous as we went inside. I was just excited just looking at the things inside the shop.

In that moment, I could only think of one person who would and could understand the excitement that I felt. " I need to call him. " As my friend just gave me a smile.

3 more weekends or so, he will be back. It was so good to hear his voice.

Into the working life (almost)

My brother will be starting his first day of industrial attachment tomorrow at a turbine overhaul company. I guess he was fascinated with my work in the aviation industry and being the eldest and big sister of him, I would feed him the latest information on planes and the newest aircraft technology.

Being an undergraduate of the Materials Engineering, he will be attached to do microstructural analysis of alloys; God knows what is that, heh.

He was particular in choosing his first outfit for tomorrow.

Him:"It states here casual clothes. So, I gather it should be polo shirt, jeans and my addidas shoes?

Me:" Why don't you wear something smart casual like that long sleeve with jeans and your addidas shoes?"

Him:" Are you crazy? I'm working in a production environment. It will be hot!"

Me:" Suits you. But first impression always count."

I'm proud of him.

Two stubborn people

You could hear him coughing and coughing as he called me up just now. And yet, he is still smoking; protesting that he is already reducing his daily's cigarettes intakes. Said that he wanted to stop smoking while he's there because literally, smoking makes him sick. It makes him sick because it is like a routine thing back home; he smokes to let out some steam while he is stressed. Well, his work is rather stressful.

Now that he's there and he is not stressful, I'm still wondering why the heck of smoking if he "hates" smoking so much. That doesn't make sense right? Well, it is his problem then.

So, in the end he told me to stop acting always being so independent and let someone care for me for a change.

Guess, that will make two stubborn people, ya.

Scare

I had a scare yesterday's morning. Had to ask the help of some trusted LAEs to watch over me just in case that creepy weirdo do anything silly to me. Raj, somewhat like big brother of mine in the hangar was telling me to take care of myself as he was abit worried for my safety.

So far, my boss is yet to be told as I felt that things are quite manageable and still in control. In the meantime, I'm just going to act normal, leaving the office late if I have to, but I'm just grateful to have a brotherhood of bodyguards to protect me.

"You cannot only hope and pray for it, you need to fight for it." The intensity look shown in his eyes when he said that to me. The guy in Toulouse said that I've shown much care for this person. Yes, I do because he is the only reason that makes sense at work.

Mr Green

Could you remember having your parents telling you that you do not have to go to school today because it's the holidays? Well, that wonderful feeling relive in me again just by taking one day off from work. I was so glad when I saw my boss's replied sms showing "Ok", as normally he will ask me questions like "How come?" and then, I had to start explaining to him. That welcoming feeling of Yippie Yay Yays! warmingly sips into the soul.

Feeling like a bummer and having lots of time in hand, I just wanted to feel the wind blowing to my pale face. It sure felt great to go to places on a weekday while everyone else was at work or in school. I had finally caught "The Incredible Hunk" to end a perfect one day's rendezvous, after much recommendations from my brother and friends.

Another kudos movie from Marvel Comics. Worth every cents of my SGD9.50! I have always liked Edward Norton as he is one of my favourite actors; a very dynamic versatile actor who could carry the roles of a villian or a hero. In this movie, he plays the heroic role of Bruce Banner as he attempts to find the cure to get rid of himself becoming a hulk. Any lady will want to touch that gentle face while looking deep into those baby blue eyes and say "It's okay". In this case would be Liv Tyler who plays the character of Dr. Elizabeth Ross, Bruce's lover.

The ending part of the movie was the best. This is where General Ross is approached by Tony Stark (The Iron Man Movie) that a "team" is being put together. So this reveals another upcoming Marvel Comics movie Avengers is on the way?

Next movie to catch will the Hancock starring Mr Will Smith. A July movie!

Relaxing and smelling the flowers

I nagged at him to not call me using his handphone as international calls will be too expensive. We smsed each other then I realized, him smsing me will be also expensive. Catching up through MSN messenger will be tiring due to the different time zones. So we finally concluded in emailing each other instead.

He survived his flight test yesterday. Apparently, the flight test was more like a roller coaster, not that this is the first time for him but he was telling me the duration ordeal throughout was quite uncomfortable. It ascended up very steeply and fell down the sky very steeply too as the pilots test the control surfaces. The only best part was him trying the IFEs in the First and Business Class. On the whole, the test took about 5 hours.

"Relaxing and smelling the flowers here." It seems that the hangar site looks like a countryside. I told him to take a drive to the outskirts of the city since summer will be hitting Toulouse soon. Unfortunately, he decided to give up his Mercedes B-class car since he is afraid to drive due to the awkward left side of driving. And so, the spending of 60 euros on cab fare.

True to his words, he sent me lots of photos, naming Day 1, Day 2, etc so that I won't miss out anything that he sees or observes while he is there.

The buzz ambience of the music festival

Exceptional

Today's morning was exceptionally quiet and so the passing time before the teleconference call with the Seattle team starts at 9am. This game is really fun! Mark where you want to hit, build up that shooting thrust momentum and release the arrow. Frankly, I miss a few shots (never a computer game player :P) and then, the excitement starts when you manage to succeed and go to the next levels as the distance between you and the friend becomes further. More fun, just imagine that face that pisses you off when you "accidentally" shot the friend. Damn, it's already 9.01 am!

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Discussion agenda for today, whether it is engineering-sound for the converted aircraft not to be painted. With the soaring jet fuel price, the customer just wants to be"creative" in finding ways to make the plane lighter for the ferry flight to Hong Kong. Paint apparently adds a few tonnes of weight to the plane.

The plane has to be stripped to its naked-bareness in order for it to proceed on with the conversion programme. So imagine, a plane that has a silver-bared fuselage as it makes its ferry flight to Hong Kong if an IDR is issued out for the green light. Heh..

Genres

3 genres of music.

First was Hip-Hop/RnB. Cool, sleek with the most pinkish kissable lips. With the A'ights, shortys, daddys and the bling-blings. Too much of it makes you feel sick, actually.

Then came, Rock.

Next is Easy listening. Easy listening is well..what can I say, nice. But alas, there is no combustion of fire-sparks. Just safe and nice. Can I say abit boring?

Now, rock is something that you can never get sick of it. You like rock because it grows on you slowly and then you get hooked. Rock just brings out that adrenaline rush in you as it brings you to the extremes in a good way.

I miss my rock.

Fire-Fighting

For the past 2 days, the hangar had been hosting the visit of the new board of directors and the CEO. PTF has always been the top showcase that the CEO will choose everytime visitors or potential customers come to visit the company.

Admiring the various aircrafts ascending past the hangar and enjoying the slight breeze as my boss, the two colleagues of mine and myself waited patiently for the VIP visitors. I would say that my hangar being the furthest from the rest, has the closest proximity to the airport and hence, having the best view of the runaway.

We walked them through the avionics workshop and then, to the control centre to see the project charts. The board of directors were pretty impressed with the concise visualization charts as my boss explained them; a clear story-tell overview on what is the progress and the status of the project. I guess I was beaming quietly inside hearing such positive feebacks.

Passing our time

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Fire-fighting. Almost everyday. I simply want to give up sometimes. It can be so emotionally and physically drained. I was letting out to my friend who is currently stationed to do the 767 conversion program that how much I will like to leave and how much tiring this program is sponging on me.

"Don't be silly. You are still young and doing something high profilic. Of course, there are lots of jealousy and back-stabbing. Don't leave but rather take some time off, you're just tired. Remember that you might be doing the 777 conversion."

A nice guy who drives a cool blue Mazda car.

And that is enough

I guess I'm using the head rather than the vulnerable heart in seeing the situation that I am currently in. To avoid any complications and messy affairs that one day each of us will just regret. Probably because we need to work together and we share the same mutual set of friends. He is different, I am different; both of us leading two different lifestyles.

The best thing is that we are both matured enough to know that we could only be just good close friends. And that is enough.

" Take lots of photos okay!" " For you, anything." Another hour more, before his plane departs.

More photos from Seattle

You inject life in me

"You look pretty yesterday. You look prettier today." I don't really handle flatteries very well, shy as I looked down. Stupidly, I could hear myself saying " And you'll meet some gorgeous French girls with big blue eyes and fell in love with her."

I don't know really understand but everytime we are with each other, I feel safe with him. He's a great friend but alas, just a friend. I'm just enjoying his friendship at the moment, one more day with him before he leaves on a jet plane.

You can sense the pride in him when he shows me off to his other friends. That definitely, feels good.

I have been a living dead, working and working, trying my best to cheer up in this humble life of mine. Injector of life, you in me. Not because of all beautiful words you say to me but the motivating and the accepting on who I am. Being myself when I am with you.

For that, I am grateful.

Pink City, bright Lights!

Something good that I wish it last abit longer. We accidentally met some people at work today, as we strolled down laughing and talking. Come tomorrow and it will probably be the talk of some people at the parent company. But it is nothing that I should worry about because we are not doing anything sinful or bad, just two single people being good close friends.

He will be going to Toulouse this Wednesday to see the next delivery of the fat plane. 6 weeks will come and go very fast.

Catching up

I guess I have not been keeping my promise to try to make time for friends. Been hanging out with all sorts of other people that I have neglected this special group of ladies whom we called ourselves "the Kluns".

Again, I am the last one to wish her 'Happy Birthday', or would I say now ' Happy Belated Birthday'. I use friendster to track my friends' brithday dates but seems that I did not receive any alert emails to tell me any of my friends' birthdays.

Well, it's the thought that counts I hope. Apparently, she's engaged to her longtime boyfriend. That, also I am the last one to know.

Sometimes, I wonder where have I been. No wonder, they call me 'MIA'. Well, I'm slowly weaving my way back to friends' world! Does that make sense?

Landed, crashed or still flying and cruising

So Holland had won against Italy with a perfect triple score to nothing. The UEFA European cup has started 5 days ago but I guess I wouldn't have the time to see the early morning matches due to work. I guess I just need to rely on the newspaper to check out the details of the soccer updates.

"So do you want to go St. James this Friday? I know you like live band performances. Can get a coke since you don't drink alcoholic drinks." Momentarily, I gave him a hard stare, thinking maybe I had heard him wrong. " Yeah, I love live band performances but I don't go to such places." As I gently said no to his offer of companionship.

This is the guy who compares his past relationships to status of planes as "have landed" and "already crashed down". Apparently, his current relationship is "still flying and cruising".

Sorry but I'm not those type of girls who goes out clubbing or listen to lounge music at some club places. Am I missing out on anything? Nope.

Mr Keropok

Mr Keropok's name was blinking on my handphone. It's 10.39pm, doesn't he know that it is not office hours now? Thinking twice, I was wondering whether I should answer his call because I am so tired.

I call him Mr Keropok because he has this cramped face everytime I see him at work. He is one of the young LAEs who is at the same age group as me so we kind of get along with each other.

Him:" Don't worry, it is not about work. But rather about my personal life"
Me:" Phew. I thought you wanted to complain about something."

Reflecting back. I could still remember, him coming to my cubicle with this sparkle in his eyes. He wanted some privacy space and so, he sat next to me while I was busy replying my work emails.

Me: "What are you doing?"
Him: " I'm writing a letter to someone. Do you have pencil colours?"
Me:" You're in luck." As I opened my drawer to get my pocket of magic pens.
Me:" What letter are you writing about? Is that a flower you are drawing? So ugly."
Him:" Hey, this flower reflects me okay. Simply me." As he continued, colouring his daisy-looking flower in purple and brown.
Him:" Liza, have you ever like someone before?"
Me:" Yes, I have."
Him:" What did you do when you like someone?"
Me:" I tell him."
Him:" Yep, that is what I am doing today."

Apparently, he met someone he like. But he was afraid to take that step ahead. Probably afraid of being rejected. I told him that it was so fashionably old-school, telling someone that you like by giving her a letter, but I didn't want to admit to him that it was rather sincere and original.

I asked him who is this girl who has stolen his heart. " It is someone in this hangar." And so, I was thinking hard of all the names of girls that I know working in this hangar, it is not as if there are many.Less than 10, actually.

Then, he gave me a small smile as he wrote that one single name on the letter.

Today, I was telling him that work romance is hard as there are bounds of people who will see and ask. "No matter what you do at work, be extra sensitive and remember to take care of her heart." Both of them are my friends at work in the same hangar as me, two LAEs liking each other.

She accepted his letter. They are still friends because she wants to take things slow and steady before going to that big step. He has a failed relationship once and will not want to do anything to jeopardise this current one.

Well, Mr Keropok, I expect to see a smile on your handsome face now. Wish you all the happiness.

Airline

My parents are travelling again. This time to New Zealand, visiting the North and the South islands.

I am always concerned whenever they travel by air. "Which airline company?" is the normal standard question that I would ask them. Last year, my heart flipped when my mum says she will be taking that flight as I warned her the airline has been given stern warning over their airworthiness safety' issues. " If I am fated to die in the air, then I am fated" was her usual nonchalant answer. Fortunately, I had received sms from my dad to rest assure that they have landed safely.

So far, they have boarded planes of various airlines that have been to my work place for maintenance checks except for that particular one. Sometimes, I feel like paying for their flight to make sure they are on the plane of the airline that I choose, just to ease my worry back on ground.

They will be taking the parent airline company, come this Saturday, thank goodness. Just need to give a call to my friends' at the line, to make sure the aircraft engineers there have done their double inspections. Okay, that will be too much. Hee..

Loving planes

It's a nice feeling eating dinner together with your parents, at home. I came home early today, just hoping to spend some time with my parents and brother. Usually, when I've reached home, my mum will be in bed already, fast asleep while dad sits infront of the tv as usual waiting for me to come home and then retire to his room after I have stepped in.

Eating together as a family means the chance to talk with one another, sharing the days' events. Even during the weekends, it is hard to have time to eat with my parents, as there are always other activities to do or other functions to attend. I guess you cherish this warm moment if you are a family oriented person and I am happy to stay grounded in that sense.

Unfortunately, in the work state that I am in, it is hard to spend time with your loved ones. Yes, my working hours are regular; 830am till 530pm but since the work program that I am is a project basis, it is just tough and so you learn to juggle. I have given up in explaining to people outside work on why I am always busy at work, that is when the project has started. Some think that I pretend to act busy which is in fact far from it.

I would love to just leave work on the dot, go out with friends. I guess some close ones have stopped calling me because I am busy. I hate going home, sitting alone in the train after 8pm, reaching the west after 9pm and the routine starts over again each weekdays. With the management growing so cold even getting your leave to be approved by the bosses so that you could spend time with the family is so hard.

Nowadays, the hangars are so congested with planes of various airlines as the management is banging on the On-time-delivery (OTD) and then you, being evaluated on your key performance index(KPI). Some of us are just waiting for that final crack before blowing all up.

But with all these, I am still loving my job because I take pride in what I do. It gives me a sense of satisfaction as I challenge my intellectual abilities and capabilities with the people at work.

A girl who loves planes.

Brilliant!

I was sampling Coldplay's newest single "Violet Hill" from youtube.com and I must say, I am really liking in what I am hearing. I simply could not wait to get my hands on this new CD as Gwyneth Paltrow had already commented that the new album is brilliant. Frankly, I do not know when it will hit the stores in Singapore.

"I took my love down to violet hill

There we sat in snow

All that time she was silent still

So if you love me

Won't you let me know?"

The 2 cousins

Thank goodness for MSN messenger! It brings 2 cousins together across thousand of kilometres oceans tides and waves as we chatted everything and anything that have been happening so far.

I was telling Kak Bad that his son is getting cuter day by day as she shows me his latest pictures.
Me: "Hope he doesn't break girls' heart when he grows up."
Kak Bad:" He looks like ME, and bits of him."
Me:" Nope, he has his own face. Maybe currently, he is inheriting chubby drums-thighs from you, heh!"
Kak Bad: " Ya lah tu.."

Kak Bad will be coming back for Hari Raya at the end of the year and already I told her to check her inbox for my shopping list. I am sooo missing her presence!

Observation

Looks like Mr Penguin will be the new Vice-president for the division. It still tickles me when I pronounced his name. Him and his phony American accent. Oh well.

While waiting for everyone to settle down in the conference room, unconsciously I was looking at their hands, one person after another. Not bad, the avionics LAEs do practise a good personal hygiene of keeping short fingernails. Then, I was noticing the rings around their fingers. Silver and gold bands; did I also see one diamond stud on one of the LAEs' wedding band?

Looks like the younger generation who are married do wear bands on their wedding fingers while the older men don't. Both the Senior Foreman and the Superintendent are seen missing with wedding bands even though they are married. The Malays will be wearing theirs on their right hands while the non-malays worn theirs on the left. Even my boss wears his on his right hand. An interesting observation.

He came over to my cubicle after the progress meeting for a lazy chat. He is like a big brother to me, checking on my welfare to see if the guys at work have been bullying me. It's not as if it has ever happen but he is that nice. Most of the times, when I have work problems or anything that annoys or pisses me, he will be my listening ears. He just knows how to soothe me with his funny face expressions.

I was telling him that day that I am tired of reading between lines and people's body language if a guy is interested in me.

Me:" Why can't a guy tell me straight to the face that he likes me?" " I don't want to do mind-games anymore."
Raj: "Don't you know a guy can be shy sometimes."

He was telling me on how he wooed his wife, quite romantic. To be honest, I couldn't imagine him doing those things but I guess falling in love does wonders to a guy sometimes. It was quite a heart-warming moment as you see that smile on his face as he pridely talks about his wife.

Raj:" So when will you be getting married?"
Me:"I got myself into a complicated situation, unexpectedly. Probably still healing."
Me: " You go on dates and have free meals. The guys are attractive and you do have a good time but they are not the same, because at the end of it, you find something amiss. It is not the same." "I think there's something wrong with me."
Raj:"I don't think so. I think it's due to you still miss him."

I don't know how to reply him as I just gave him a sad smile.